Hi Trashies!
Just to clear up something raised last week – I don’t hate children as such, I just think the Victorians had the right idea, stick them out of sight – a chimney or down a mine for instance – until they’re about 18. So that’s that clarified.
A sprog called Amaya does the talking head at the top of the show, doing the same ‘Reality tv’ maths that adults do all the time. ‘I have a one in eighteen chance of winning!’ No, the producers have it narrowed down already, but don’t worry everyone makes that mistake. It does highlight there are eighteen left and they’ll be culling at least two more today. I really think they’dve been better off starting with just twelve kids we could learn the faces of a lot quicker, but that’s a very old and middle aged approach. I belong to a peer group that’s in danger of forgetting what the sentence they’ve just started was supposed to be about half way through, so of course I want to limit the numbers.
Its a challenge day today, and again the limited budget shows as we’re staying in studio. It’s a tag team challenge though and they’re always good, and its making a seven layered dip.
Everything at Once
Beans, corn, salsa, lettuce, guacamole, sour cream and chives, cheese. I have never had one – its a very American thing and I hate sharing food. Its not rocket science though, taking fantastic Tex-mex ingredients and making a giant dip out of them. Dips of course being pretty standard party/tv watching/sports watching stuff. Its the kind of thing that encourages people to come round your house though. Its been traumatic enough having recently being forced by my sister to socialize with my family at least once a month, so I don’t want to give them any ideas. If I was making one the one difference would be there’d be black olives in it gawdammit.
The sprogs are forming teams, Ian Avery and Kya captaining.
Ian is quietly confidant
Ian has Jesse, Amaya, JJ Zack and Mia(?). Avery has Jaecyln, Derrick, Adam, Kaitlyn and Tae-ho. Kya has Addison, Sam, Emily,Corey and Nate. Names might be wrong, I put Corey in two teams at first.
The challenge isn’t a tag as much as a relay. Each sprog is doing one layer mashing the refried beans or stripping the corn off the cob and so on. Gotta figure the lettuce layer isn’t going to be too hard. Each team will be at the mercy of its weakest members though. Its just about cooking, mixing already cut ingredients and packet guacamole.
Only the greatest chefs can pour Guacamole from the packet.
Its going to be fun, mainly for the participants, but its falls far short of an actual cooking challenge. I suspect the main reason is although they have cooking prodigies like Kya, Avery, Addison, Derrick and Tae-ho, and Nate, then there are a lot of kids there who they know might have trouble opening the packet. The last cook has the mad challenge of doing the last two layers! Mixing cream AND sprinkling cheese on it. Careful there.
Robo-Tosi needs a new nickname though, she’s finally got the hang of TV it seems. She has started coming across as a human.
Robo-Tosi no more.
Either that or she’s advanced the algorithms in her heuristic comedy logic unit.
The winners get to dunk the judges in the dip, and inevitably all three will get splatted.
The three captains do the beans layer, mashing them. Whilst the two girls go at it methodically Ian just stabs away with gusto, earning points for commitment. The wail ‘Kya’s already done!’ is heard as once again the Demon in human form has excelled herself. Ian yells ‘Nooooooo!’ in the best tradition of movie melodrama. So far I have to admit its more fun to watch than most Masterchef challenges.
Addison the softball Queen is already half way through her layer whilst the other two captains are still doing the beans. She passes over to um, Mohawk boy. The shrieking becomes ear deafening as Team Kya still have a lead, but it all blurs as they reach the end. There’s the exciting ‘packet opening’ layer, along with some product placement as TG explains how using real ingredients is so important, as long as they’re ‘Wholly Natural’ and from a packet.
Integrity only gets spent once TG, you’re on thin ice. Besides, they market their crap as ‘gluten free’ as if that’s a good thing. Its not, its the option people who are allergic to Gluten have to choose; the rest of us get to eat Gluten because it tastes better. If you bitch about Gluten (wheat protein) as an ingredient you better not be eating any alcohol, salt, butter, sugar, red meat, soy, msg, rice, strained fruit juice (ie with the bits not in it), cream, milk – you get the idea – because they are all worse for you than Gluten. Basically anything that tastes ok. Mention ‘Paleo’ and I’m sending Kya to your house to exsanguinate you.